Using free indirect style to make your descriptions pop

Free indirect style describes a method of writing that can add literary style to straight-forward narration.

Here's a simple example of free indirect style:

"The accident unfolded in the sickened evening light."

The key to the magic is one word: "sickened."

Remove the word and watch the sentence turn back into a pumpkin: a simple declarative sentence about an accident occurring at a certain time of day.

Example 1: https://imgur.com/a/pH9w4fn

But by adding the word "sickened," we enact a piece of writing ju-jitsu. The scene jumps off the page and gains an emotional aura. We know it was a bad accident without the author even describing it.

But let me ask you something. Whose word is "sickened"?

Does it "belong" to the character, who is experiencing the scene, or to the writer, who is writing it? The answer is that it belongs to both the character and the writer, or to neither of them.

Why it works

When a reader encounters this sentence, something complex happens in their mind.

They see the writing through the eyes and language of the character, and understand them to be viewing a terrible accident. (Much more artful than saying, "The terrible accident unfolded in the evening light.")

But the reader ALSO feels the presence of the writer, who located the word "sickened" where no free-thinking character would naturally include it.

It's very clearly an artistic choice, and that draws attention to the writer. But not in a bad way, because...

 The word reveals the writer's voice in the narrative WITHOUT breaking the spell of the narration itself.

A single word causes the reader to become aware of the space that separates the character and the writer. But at the same time, it closes the distance between them. In the mind of the reader the two figures are now one and the same.

Pumpkin —> carriage. And it all happened in the span of a single word.

Two more examples: https://imgur.com/a/AaOMU4W

Try it out yourself. Make up some basic sentences and see if you can enliven them by adding an artful adjective.

 

-Alex